let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
