i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
