I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You're like the curious george of whores
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
