she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
