He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
