Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
