Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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