Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
