We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I won't apologize to a one balled man
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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