don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
