the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
