At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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