my phone needs a breathalizer
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
