ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
