Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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