You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
