Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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