the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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