I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I understand Curling. That high.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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