He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
