I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
