new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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