She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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