Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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