I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
