I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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