My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Randomize
