the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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