...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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