Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
