Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
