THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
