i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
