hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
