the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
