He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
