Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
