Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
don't judge my taste in strippers
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize