i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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