Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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