I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
