I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
