i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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