Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
