oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
last night I used snow as a chaser
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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