why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
