dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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