My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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