I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
