I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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