the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Don't make out with my wife yet
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
