Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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