This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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