i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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