The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
