Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
