this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize