take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
