so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
