My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
