I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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